I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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