I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
