I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
