note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
