420 ftw
I will die if light touches me.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
