MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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