it hurts more in the daytime
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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