Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
