Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
