if i can run in heels then i can drive
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
