I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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