I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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