lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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