Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My ATM looks so different sober.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
