am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Watching her eat just hurts me
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
