well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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