Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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