90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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