I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
