The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
