I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
