I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
