i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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