I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize