I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You took a bar mat shot.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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