I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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