I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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