i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
