Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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