rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Let's get the cat blown out
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
