yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
