I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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