If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
