you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
