He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
