I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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