I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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