so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
