you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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