how can u be prego again
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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