be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
