Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
