ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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