nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
