I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
