I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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