in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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