Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
