Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
