i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
