Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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