My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
