my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize