Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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