she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
this hospital has no fireball
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
