I wish I could teleport
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Even my vagina gasped.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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