It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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