just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
