my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She told me I should be a condom model.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
