1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
