is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
