Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There's always time for handjobs
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
